Sometimes, the most toxic people come from your very own roots, friends or family, better known as frenemies. Toxic individuals take away your autonomy of choice, and while it’s easy to identify toxic versus productive, the lines become blurry when they show up as family.
Parents, friends, cousins and siblings — all important figures to our lives. However, its imperative that we understand that our mentality comes before all. We do have roles to fulfill, but those roles do not supersede our emotional health. If the presence of someone provokes guilt (beyond reasonable limitations), recurrent thoughts that bring about anxiety, its time to draw lines. That doesn’t immediately mean that you stop speaking to them, but it does mean that you dictate what terms and under what conditions you interact with that person.
As an adult, you have to work, maintain relationships and sometimes a marriage and children. Before you can play the role of superman or superwoman, it’s important to understand that YOU come first. Your family will be there for you and deserve to be there if they understand the absolute need for you to survive, thrive and be happy in the most important optimal conditions. Everyone has their own stress that includes personal self esteem, personal value and interpersonal feelings of inadequacy amongst other things. You certainly do not need extra burdens that come in the form of family. Be very much aware of the “I’m doing this for your own good”, the “I know what’s best for you” or the “Trust me. I know you since you were X, this is what’s good for you.” No human knows what you know, and no human understands what you’ve been through. You should respectfully draw boundaries, otherwise, they will overpower what is important, which is YOU. That voice that’s YOU.